Okay, now knowing what autistic adults tend to say about how hurtful your statement of hate is to people like us…people like your children…I’m at a loss as to how to understand your continued insistence on using this phraseology.
(Isn’t empathy something that non-autistic people widely claim to have?)
If somebody hates something, some trait, some condition of being, and then they see it in another person, how do you believe they will then treat that person? Why would you think your child will be immune?
How will people treat your child when they see autism in your child, if they hate autism?
How do people treat things they hate? How do you? With patience, compassion, respect, or kindness? How do you expect people to treat expressions of your child’s autism—and by extension, your child—if they hate autism?
You say you don’t see it as part of your child, as part of who he or she is, just something that gets in his way?
How does he see it? What is it to him?
You don’t know because he can’t communicate it? Then how can you presume what he thinks or feels about it? Because of his communication difficulties, your opinion of his life counts more?
What if, to him, it is just how he is?…..And you hate it.
What’s the truest thing about yourself, the truest thing about how you function in the world?
What do you feel if someone says to you, “But that’s not really you. That’s just something that gets in your way?”
Or “But you’re so much more than that?”
Your child might not conceive of his autism as that intrinsic to who he is. Not everyone does; he’s entitled to his own opinion. But a lot of us do. He might. He might not yet. He might never. But he really might someday.
And then, if you’ve been saying for his entire life that you hate it? Then you have been telling him all along that you hate who he is.
Is that really, really a risk worth taking? Just to feel like you have a right to vent your deep dark feelings without regard for who you hurt? Is it really? Do you hate autism that much, that to put your child’s self-worth on the line like that is worth it?
And will you one day be proud to explain to your child that your presumed right to say these things was more important to you than his or her sense of self-worth, acceptance, and safety in the world?
Is being able to answer all these questions, without awkward feelings and stammering and fear, with answers that won’t get you into a debate, get confused looks, get gasps and arguments, people trying to convince you that you’re wrong…
"Are you going to get married?" "Are you going to have children?" "Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" (the "opposite" of what your sex appears to be) "What do you do?" "What do your parents do?" "What are you going to do when you grow up?" "Where are you from?" "Where is your accent from?" "I bet you’re looking forward to [normative event in your life], right?" "Is that your boyfriend/girlfriend?" "Is that your husband/wife?" "Is that your [normative relationship to person]?"
And, sometimes, even, "What’s your name?"
All, “normal”, social chatting questions. But when you can’t answer them, people stare. People argue. People treat you like you must be just confused, or damaged.
I don’t know why anyone ever would think we are trying to be “special” when we talk about our strange identities. What is special about having to live in a world where you can’t even have a basic conversation with most people you meet, without wanting to hide in a hole? We talk about these identities online because we have no other place we can talk about them, no place we can’t be stared at and argued at and looked at like we are less.
i never shut up but when i do i look at everyone with death glares, really philosophical on the inside and i think like 34/7 but on the outside it’s like a lunatic escaped from the zoo and i could write a book abut my weirdness and creepyness :D
write dat book and I’ll put it in my hoard fer sure
(and death glares are a nice touch but if I may suggest 3d shades~ makes the world beautiful x2 and confuses literally everybody)
I need to start doing this. Wearing 3D shades everywhere just to look at the world…
I suppose, but in terms of slurs, insane is pretty tame. I mean, I hate assholes, but I wonder if we as a society are going too far with calling something a slur. Not that people should feel oppressed, but a line needs to be drawn.
Why does a line need to be drawn?
Why can’t people actually just say what they mean instead of putting down others?
It really doesn’t take a lot of effort to find other words which may be even better for conveying what they are trying to say.
These words hurt and trigger people, just because you aren’t affected by them doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be respectful of others, who may not be willing or even able to come forward and say that that is not okay with them.