Anonymous asked: On your FWAK, you say you may have some schizoid personality traits, can you go into a little more detail about that?
Hmm hmm, well, let me see. This is going to take a little while…
I feel that the basic description on Wikipedia describes me well. From the article:
Schizoid personality disorder (SPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness, and apathy.
I don’t like to be apathetic - I worship wonder - but I can be, and, maybe some of the reason I worship wonder is that I often feel a lack of emotion towards a lot of things, and I like the things that can make me feel strong emotion. I rarely cry, and I am not usually pushed to anger… I can be angry or sad, but it’s rare that I “feel” it strongly, I just think, “I don’t approve of this and I think it’s a bad thing” but I rarely feel it. The same, when I’m happy about something it’s not usually… an emotion? But a thought? “I’m really glad this exists”. But, it is the thought, less the feeling.
I am solitary and happy with it. I have been told I am emotionally cold. Online you won’t know it because I express in strong words, but, people who know me in person know that I react to things in a detached way often. I care about my friends and like them, but, again, it’s more like “I think that you are a person who is bringing good to this world and I want you to enjoy your self because suffering is bad and I want you to keep existing because you make the world a nicer place” than “FEELINGS”. I don’t seem to need hugs or touch.
The DSM description of schizoid personality disorder (I don’t think I have the disorder, I just think I have some personality traits) is:
- Neither desires nor enjoys relationships or human interaction, including being part of a family
- Almost always chooses solitary activities
- Has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person
- Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities with other people
- Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives
- Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others
- Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affect
1 is true of me in some ways: I do like human interaction but I also enjoy my own solitary company a lot, I much prefer emails to IM, phone or face-to-face and I enjoy interaction that is discussing ideas and stories and learning things instead of emotional.
2 is true, 3 is true. 4 is… sometimes true, I mean, I do get a lot of pleasure from spending time with my friends but I only can do it occasionally and I get very tired out and I don’t think I enjoy social activities just because they are social activities, I like to be doing something particular and sharing it with someone? I like to work on group glamourbombs and things like that because we’re all excited for the same thing and sharing that energy is good, but if it’s a movie, or eating, or things like that, I feel I enjoy it better alone because I’m not distracted…
5 is not true, there are people I could talk to if I want to. I don’t usually confess my problems to people though, I like to deal with them on my own.
6 is true, it’s touching when people say nice things about me but I also don’t need it or seek it. If this blog helps people and no one ever says anything I would be just as happy, the reason I like messages like that is because I know that someone is being helped and the world is a little better place. The same with criticism and hate… I think hate is bad, but, I rarely feel personally affected by it. Just disappointed.
7 is true and people have told me is true…
The WHO says:
- Emotional coldness, detachment or reduced affect.
- Limited capacity to express either positive or negative emotions towards others.
- Consistent preference for solitary activities.
- Very few, if any, close friends or relationships, and a lack of desire for such.
- Indifference to either praise or criticism.
- Taking pleasure in few, if any, activities.
- Indifference to social norms and conventions.
- Preoccupation with fantasy and introspection.
- Lack of desire for sexual experiences with another person.
1 is true, 2 is often true (I can… say nice things and they are true? But that’s different from expressing my personal emotions, I am telling people what I think, not a feeling, it is not my emotion it is my thoughts about their personality? And I’m terrible at comforting people or reacting to people’s personal highs and lows, and often I feel awkward about it), 3 is true, 4 I talked about above, 5 I talked about above, 6… is not true but they are not “normal” activities, 7, 8 and 9 are true.
The WHO says you need 4 out of those. But it also says “Does not occur exclusively during the course of schizophrenia, a mood disorder with psychotic features, another psychotic disorder, or a pervasive developmental disorder and is not due to the direct physiological effects of a general medical condition.” And I do have a pervasive developmental disorder, so, it’s hard to say.
I think most of it is due to autism, but, it is autism that closely follows the schizoid pattern (and, not everyone experiences autism that way). I guess I can think of it as schizoid-type autism even though that isn’t an official thing.
(Also, I do sometimes hallucinate and have delusions, it’s rare, but, that’s what also makes me think there is some schizotype influences.)